Kazım Kazım: tonight's the night

A Brighton&Hove Albion reject he may be, as someone has pointed out on Dissensus, but how can you not like Colin Kazim Richards? He's done the unthinkable for a British (as in, born in Britain) footballer, by gamely moving to a 'foreign' country where he doesn't speak the language, rather than letting his career dwindle in the Football League - and he is something of a hero (and heartthrob) at Fenerbahce already. Sadly this video won't embed but it's well worth watching:

"They were singing some songs, I don't even know what they were singing, I don't know the words to it, I was just jumping up and down to the rhythm."

And as if that wasn't enough he's a local lad from Leytonstone and a Chelsea-hating Arsenal fan to boot.

Even with so many players out, it still looks like our Kazım is starting on the bench for Turkey tonight, but wouldn't it be wonderful to see a second half substitution when the inevitable comeback struggle begins. Make us proud bruv.

HF is in love

That's right. HumbleFootball just wants to make clear that, no matter what happens in today's clash with manure, we love the current team and that we have nothing but faith and confidence in Wenger's tots. Give what you've got and don't worry about the result.

Arsenal 3 Sunderland 2

Note: Humble Footballers waving scarves directly to the left of the goal after Van Persie scores.
Note 2: Sunderland fan with Tourettes. You can't see him, but he made our day with his incomprehensible jibber-jabber and red-faced random swearing.

Gangster and Racketeer buys more of Arsenal

At the risk of being shut down, we are reviving Humble Football, to serve as an outlet of protest against the continuing sale of shares in Arsenal football club to Alishier Usmanov - Gangster, Racketeer and financier of a notoriously brutal regime. We do not want this man to have any involvement in our club.

Please sign the petition here

For more information listen to MEP Tom Wise's speech to the European Parliament here

More info on the ongoing legal saga involving former British Ambassador to Uzbekistan, Craig Murray, here

Mo Problems?

Youtube have got wise to the way of the pirate. So instead we must rely on fans to provide you with footage of the games. Where others would see an insurmountable impediment, Humble Football sees a glorious opportunity to improve the quality of commentary. Watch and listen as Van Persie scores the first as we beat Fulham.

Highlights: Arsenal 1 - Ajax 0

Apologies about the sky sourcing. On the plus side we are stealing from big Rupe M, as opposed to paying for anything.

Arsenal win Amsterdam tournament

A late late late Van Persie goal sends us home smiling. 1-0 to the Arsenal. However persistent dutch brutality made for a very worrying night, which climaxed in Van Persie being stretchered off just after scoring. Arsene was not a happy man. On the plus side we win away and actually manage to score against Ajax, despite playing rather averagely and missing a fair few chances.

Severe boredom humble football nostalgia alert

A bit of old Harry Enfield to rouse some cheer. We have now officially reached the zenith of a football-less summer.

I think we won this.

Bye Bye Freddy

Off east to the land of dog-racing, Russell Brand, biscuits and boredom. The great team of 2001-2002 is now completely disbanded. But we remember the good times.


And of course, this goal, to seal the double (*sigh*).

Humble capitalism

Reports today suggest that Stan Kroenke will meet the Arsenal board, including quite possibly racist bore, Peter Hill-Wood. Quite what they'll discuss, no-one knows. Though Kroenke now has a considerable 12% stake in the club, and has been making eyes at David Dein and Danny Fitzsman's stakes, both believed to be rather large (sorry no more pseudo-homo-erotic innuendo).

In related murky goings on - Kia Joorabchian has threatened to reveal the true nature of the Carlos Tevez deal, which is believed to involve a billy goat and a bridge in East Ham. Despite these shocking revelations, FIFA has said it may not be able to sort the mess prior to the beginning of the season. This raises the possibility that, due to the dispute, Carlos Tevez will not play for anyone for the first half of the season. FIFA will be concerned that any ruling sets a significant precedent. The reintroduction of slavery for humans as well as trolls remains a possibility, as were FIFA to sanction any Tevez deal they would effectively legitimise third-party ownership of players. Such a ruling would probably make the whole Bosman affair seem as relevant as the player himself.

Humble Football fantasies

Yes they might involve Arsenal winning the quintuple, Dennis Bergkamp returning to the team aged 40 and Jose Mourinho, Alex Ferguson and Martin Jol being eaten by voracious badgers, but in this case I refer to the Humble Football fantasy league. Hosted on the charmingly free fantasy.premierleague.com, Humble Football will hopefully feature a bunch of you, dear readers, by season kick-off. So head to said site and enter this code - 294407-59948. Obviously Jack and Reginald will destroy you with their entirely left-sided and French teams, but you may beat lesser lights like Andreas Baader and possibly his girlfriend and her angry, angry team.

Da Silva signed up

Clips from our new striker... he looks a bit scrappier and more like a finisher than our other forwards. Rumours are that we shelled out over 20 million euros for the Brazilian-Croat. Let's hope 34 goals in the Croatian season doesn't lie.

New away kit on show

The new away kit is on display ahead of its release to the general public later this week. White top - a bit too much like Scum - and maroon shorts. However, anything is better than yellow. With its fine sense of fashion, HumbleFootball unanimously approves.

Below, Denilson and Theo model the children's-sized kit.

Bloody Foreigners

Thaksin’s buying a bit a City, Kroenke’s after the Gunners, Carson Yeung hears Birmingham is a lovely place to spend a Saturday, and Roman ‘not a political exile from Russia’ Abramovich has long since sent Ken Bates Packing. But those paragons of fiscal virtue, the British Labour party, have seen fit to stick their beak in. Sports Minister Richard Caborn is to convene talks on foreign ownership in English football.

And he has a point – a lot of foreign money is pouring into the Premiership. Reading owner John Madjeski has predicted (in the Daily Mail no less) that by 2009 all of the premiership will be foreign owned. This raises a salient, pertinent, and obvious question - ‘so what?’. Carston Yeung is to displace porn-mogul and generally unsavoury type David Sullivan at Birmingham, Abramovich, much as he is loathed, at least got rid of Ken Bates at Chelsea. In the same week Caborn called for his talks, three Labour MPs also demanded an investigation into the very English Ken Bates and his activities at Leeds, where he deliberately declared the club bankrupt – in the process relegating them, but allowing Bates to wipe the club’s massive debts.

There is a tendency towards jingoistic sentiment when decrying Foreign Ownership. Arsenal Chairman Peter Hill-Wood banked on this when attacking American billionaire Stan Kroenke, who had just bought a significant stake in the club. Hill-Wood claimed that ‘We do not need his money and we do not need his sort’. Of course since then Arsenal have slipped into mild meltdown and the oh-so-English board’s complete disconnect from reality is becoming ever more apparent. Right now most fans would welcome an American owner of Arsenal – at least it would get rid of the current prats. And anyway what difference does nationality make – ultimately they’re all class enemies’ right? Either bring on Fan ownership of clubs, or adopt the excellent Soviet system. Otherwise quit whingeing when football ends up in the hands of a multinational squadron of robber-barons – this is global capitalism after all.

A great day for mankind...

Welcome to HumbleFootball, your ample serving of international-focused football reportage, brought to you weekly from North London, Tehran, New York and the dark depths of Turkish secularism. As smart as Philippe Senderos, as lively as your mum.

Watch THIS space!