make a difference, cull a seal

as humble football wakes every morning it peers through opaque eyes to discover that the myling have left a glass of nerpa milk next to its bed. every morning humble football vows to repay this kindness by culling as many seals as the season provides. at humble football we serve the myling in their attempts to expand their control over the entire FA. the greatest threat to this necessary historical process are mutant seal-footballer offspring from a displaced seal camp on the Moray Firth - one of the few regions of the country which lies beyond myling control.

resistance is widespread. the norwegians seem particularly confused as to how to counter the appearance of seal-human hybrids and reasonably so - i mean, how do you take the ball away from someone who's bouncing it on his head? as ever, the proud brazilian servants of the myling crown have found an inventive culling method - if he's bouncing it on his head, drop kick him as close to his head as you possibly can and then fall to the ground feigning mere collision. observe:




so remember, if you see a seal, kill it with a hook, then drain it's milk as it dies, present the majority of it at the nearest myling shrine and take a few drops for yourself. and as you glance furtively around and suck the milk from your greedy fingers, remember the eternal maxim: you may be bad, but your enemy is worse than you. this beachmaster wants your women.

Brazil win Copa, Humble Football eats words

Counter-intuitive sentence 1. Brazil thrashed an abysmal Argentina and won the Copa America.
Counter-intuitive sentence 2. Julio Baptista was the best player on the park, scoring an early goal and constantly driving Brazil forward.
Counter-intuitive sentence 3. Julio Baptista was the best player on the park, scoring... sorry, had to do that one again to check it was real.
Counter-intuitive sentence 4. Argentina once again bottled it when it really mattered, raising real questions about the future of the team and playing style.

Humble football has sent its kittens to New Zealand.

Another humdinger on Humble Football

Apologies for the title. I've been reading about search engine optimisation at work. What matters is that Brazil are through to the final, thanks to some good, if suspect, goalkeeping and some very good fortune. Bizzarely premiership rejects Julio Baptista and Diego Forlan both scored again. Oh and Mexico, Argentina is tonight. Mexico! Mexico!

Brazil thump Chile

Some beautiful goals in this not particularly competitive quarterfinal. Ended 6-1, though the sole Chilean strike is worth watching (as is Mark Gonzalez's ludicrous long-range strike off the bar). Amongst the scorers in yellow was one Julio Baptista, displaying the kind of poise and accuracy we never saw in norf London.