Iraq thrash Australia, US considers withdrawal

In a stunning riposte to their involvement in the second gulf war, Iraq have humiliated Australia by dealing to their football team. Iraq’s 3-1 victory was of course predicted by Jack, Reginald and other Humble Football types.

The victory is also understood to be one of the benchmarks set by US President George W. Bush to show progress in Iraq. Bush who had previously canceled plans to watch the Iraqi team at the 2004 Athens Olympics, was delighted with the victory, stating these were ‘encouraging signs’ of progress that could lead to a ‘more normalized and sustainable level of U.S. engagement in Iraq’, and that current manager, Brazilian Jorvan Viera was definitely ‘the right guy for Iraq’.

Former manager Uday Hussain could not be reached for comment, though he is understood to have threatened to shoot goalkeeper Noor Sabri for conceding a goal.