Man with mustache makes us happy

'....Stan Kroenke is understood to have informed the Arsenal board during a meeting in London that he will abide by the terms of its agreement preventing major share sales'. Did I mention that he had a very nice mustache.

Humble capitalism

Reports today suggest that Stan Kroenke will meet the Arsenal board, including quite possibly racist bore, Peter Hill-Wood. Quite what they'll discuss, no-one knows. Though Kroenke now has a considerable 12% stake in the club, and has been making eyes at David Dein and Danny Fitzsman's stakes, both believed to be rather large (sorry no more pseudo-homo-erotic innuendo).

In related murky goings on - Kia Joorabchian has threatened to reveal the true nature of the Carlos Tevez deal, which is believed to involve a billy goat and a bridge in East Ham. Despite these shocking revelations, FIFA has said it may not be able to sort the mess prior to the beginning of the season. This raises the possibility that, due to the dispute, Carlos Tevez will not play for anyone for the first half of the season. FIFA will be concerned that any ruling sets a significant precedent. The reintroduction of slavery for humans as well as trolls remains a possibility, as were FIFA to sanction any Tevez deal they would effectively legitimise third-party ownership of players. Such a ruling would probably make the whole Bosman affair seem as relevant as the player himself.

Noveau riche b£stard taunts workers

Alex Ferguson, fresh from promoting Alastair Campbell's book, has cemented his place in hell by taunting those less fortunate than himself. Said 'Sir' Alex: 'The poor are poor for a reason, they are lazy scum'. When questioned further about United's financial position and the debt-financing embarked upon by his fundamentalist Christian backers, Ferguson was far from contrite, 'you wee communist bastard, this is capitalism, it is my prerogative to steal, cheat and enslave trolls'.

Bloody Foreigners

Thaksin’s buying a bit a City, Kroenke’s after the Gunners, Carson Yeung hears Birmingham is a lovely place to spend a Saturday, and Roman ‘not a political exile from Russia’ Abramovich has long since sent Ken Bates Packing. But those paragons of fiscal virtue, the British Labour party, have seen fit to stick their beak in. Sports Minister Richard Caborn is to convene talks on foreign ownership in English football.

And he has a point – a lot of foreign money is pouring into the Premiership. Reading owner John Madjeski has predicted (in the Daily Mail no less) that by 2009 all of the premiership will be foreign owned. This raises a salient, pertinent, and obvious question - ‘so what?’. Carston Yeung is to displace porn-mogul and generally unsavoury type David Sullivan at Birmingham, Abramovich, much as he is loathed, at least got rid of Ken Bates at Chelsea. In the same week Caborn called for his talks, three Labour MPs also demanded an investigation into the very English Ken Bates and his activities at Leeds, where he deliberately declared the club bankrupt – in the process relegating them, but allowing Bates to wipe the club’s massive debts.

There is a tendency towards jingoistic sentiment when decrying Foreign Ownership. Arsenal Chairman Peter Hill-Wood banked on this when attacking American billionaire Stan Kroenke, who had just bought a significant stake in the club. Hill-Wood claimed that ‘We do not need his money and we do not need his sort’. Of course since then Arsenal have slipped into mild meltdown and the oh-so-English board’s complete disconnect from reality is becoming ever more apparent. Right now most fans would welcome an American owner of Arsenal – at least it would get rid of the current prats. And anyway what difference does nationality make – ultimately they’re all class enemies’ right? Either bring on Fan ownership of clubs, or adopt the excellent Soviet system. Otherwise quit whingeing when football ends up in the hands of a multinational squadron of robber-barons – this is global capitalism after all.