Venezuela ousted

Elsewhere in the Copa America, hosts Venezuela were knocked out 4-1 by Uruguay. Long considered the whipping boys of South American football, Venezuela surprised many by passing out of the group stages. Sadly, the Bolivarian footballers succumbed to a Uruguay team that has had a wholly mediocre tournament so far. Not the glorious ending that Hugo or his parrot would have desired.

Hugo Chavez defeats the empire of sulphur

In case you live under a large quiet rock, or in America, Venezuela - the hosts of this years Copa - are through to the quater-finals, whilst the yankie devils have gone home.

On hearing of Venezuela's victory over Peru and yet another US soccerball defeat, Chavez was quoted as saying 'The United States empire is on its way down and it will be finished in the near future, inshallah' - and who could argue with that?