Rambo to join Gunners

A week ago, representatives of the junta hidden up north in a secret lair built with slave labour bleated to their state mouthpiece, the New Light of Old Trafford: “Manchester United is delighted to announce it has agreed terms with Cardiff City for the transfer of Aaron Ramsey subject to terms being agreed and the player passing a medical.” But like the statements of Burmese generals, the reverse is true. For Rambo, as this mysterious young Welsh warrior monk is known among his fellow disciples, is Islington-bound. A meeting with the Dalai Wenger in Switzerland offered the former United supporter much needed Enlightenment and now he seems itching to don the red-white robes and hone those snake-lashing, bunker-incinerating skills on the Arsenal wing. With the aid of another newboy, Carlos Vela, Rambo hopes in time to channel enough applied righteousness to blow the slimy toads away. Failing that, Alex Song will come along and kick ‘em in the shins.

HF is in love

That's right. HumbleFootball just wants to make clear that, no matter what happens in today's clash with manure, we love the current team and that we have nothing but faith and confidence in Wenger's tots. Give what you've got and don't worry about the result.

Reason #1827 to hate Usmanov

Despite his insistence that he's a committed gooner, Alisher Usmanov is in fact a Man U fan. He "spends hours following the Red Devils. ... His posh West London office is littered with Man U annuals and photos. And Usmanov’s vast desk is piled with rows of United DVDs. There are also match programmes and videos of Man U hero Eric Cantona."

Note: he has an office in west London, of which HumbleFootball has received exclusive photos accessible here.